If you’re like thousands of moms who say they feel like the spark between them and their partner is fading, check out the list below. While not everyone will resonate with all ten, these are some tried and true tips collected from marriage counselors, real-life couples, and my own personal experience.
Give meaningful compliments to your partner.
I’m sure your partner loves to hear how great their butt looks, BUT they would probably also like to hear that you appreciate their intellect, cooking, cleaning, parenting, or something else.
Take a shower.
Listen, I’ll level with ya, I’m working on this one myself. Between working, cooking, blogging, cleaning, parenting, and breathing, showering sometimes takes the back burner, but if you feel clean, you’ll probably be a little more open to . . . intamacy. (Wink, wink.)
Whether or not your partner is a talker, they want to be heard. If they’re telling a story about the kids or work or their favorite sports team, stop what you’re doing and listen. A great way to show them you’re listening is to give verbal feedback about what they say.
Make physical contact.
I’m not just talking about sexy time. Hold hands, give each other a hug, or cuddle while catching up on your favorite TV show. Studies show that hugging for at least 20 seconds releases Oxytocin (the love hormone)- try it.
Try something new together.
Being adventurous helps build trust and camaraderie between people. I’m not saying you should go sky-diving, but doing something a bit out of your comfort zone (karaoke, roller coasters, cooking classes, etc) might really help you see each other in a new light.
Say how you feel without the word “love.”
Express your feelings for your partner specifically (use number 1 as a guide). Do they make your heart flutter? Do you want to jump up and down because you get to be together? Do you love how much they love your kids and it makes you fall deeper and deeper for them?
Consider their pet-peeves.
Do they HATE it when you leave your shoes in the middle of the living room floor? Pick your shoes up. Are they grossed out by your hair all over the shower walls? Clean it up. Make a conscious effort to show your love for them with your actions.
Ask them what they want/need.
Do they need more time playing golf so that they can recharge? Do they want to try a specific “bedroom” thing? Listen to their needs and wants without judgment and agree to terms to meet at least one of their needs. This doesn’t have to be one-sided, you can also express your needs as well.
Put your phone away.
Yes, I know. I’m also sick and tired of hearing this advice, but it is valuable. Put your phone down (or in the other room) for one night once a week so that you and your partner can just spend time without distractions. If you and your partner get work texts/emails at all hours, kindly let your coworkers/clients know that you won’t be available that night.
Schedule a real date night.
I know, this one is a no-brainer, but it needs to be on the list. Get a sitter, PLAN a date (in advance), and actually follow-through. Put some thought into your date night- take a shower, put on make-up (if you want), get a reservation- make it a big deal.