“I want to be a stay at home mom.”
Never in my life did I think I would utter those words. I am an attorney for goodness sakes. I have a career. There was no way I was going to be “just a mom.”
Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to have babies. But give up my career to raise them? Never. I wanted to show my children what it meant to be a strong independent woman — to really contribute to my family financially. My goal? To give my baby girl a woman to look up to. Then I had a baby, and my whole world changed.
My husband and I got married on our mid 30s and wanted to have children right away. When I got pregnant six months after we got married, I was thrilled. However, even in the excitement of pregnancy, work was my priority. I planned out everything. I made sure all my cases were taken care of while on maternity leave. Planned my calendar carefully with a trial just 3 1/2 weeks after I was to return to work. I even planned to work from home as much as possible while away from the office.
I write this post as I sit staring at my perfect baby girl. I’m eight weeks postpartum and the thought of going back to work in three short weeks makes me feel sick to my stomach. The thought of arguing in court seems so pointless compared to taking care of my baby.
She’s smiling and cooing now, and I just can’t stand the thought of missing one second of that. I knew I’d love my baby, but I never knew I’d have so much trouble leaving her. I’m lucky, my parents are going to watch my baby for me when I go back to work. So it isn’t like she’ll be with strangers. But still. I want her to be with me. I want to tickle her belly and kiss her cheeks and tell her how much I love her. All day. Every day.