I don’t know when it happened, exactly. It was really a combination of things. Regardless, one day—between crafting and baking—it hit me: I had accidentally become my child’s social planner. Her cruise director. Her one, sole source of children’s entertainment.
It’s not because I enjoy playing with children’s toys for hours on end, have a penchant for coloring, or harbor a secret love of hide and seek. It’s because I kind of can’t stand those things. I’ve tried to be a stay at home mom twice now, and I don’t think I’m very good at it. The endless hours of trying to find ways to occupy children is what led me to going back to work part-time. But now, on the days I’m home, I find myself answering the same questions:
“Who’s coming over today?”
“Where are we going?”
“What are we doing next?”
“Will I see my friends today?”
Where did I go wrong? With some deep thought and self-examination, I was able to narrow it down to three things:
I’m not good at sitting still.
Don’t get me wrong. I love a good Saturday morning coffee session on the couch or lying in bed reading. But those things are getting harder and harder to accomplish. Additionally, I want to feel productive. This tendency is what led me to scheduling playdates, lunch outings, and trips to the playground. My kids are occupied, and I get to see a friend and—maybe, sort of, kind of—have an adult conversation? Count me in!
I am terrible at pretending I’m a toddler.
Trains? Blocks? Blanket forts? All day?! I. just. can. not. I would rather go through the disaster of loading two kids up and taking them somewhere—anywhere—than build one more princess castle out of duplo blocks.
I genuinely love cooking and doing crafts with my kids.
And not just with my kids. Before ever having children, those were my two favorite hobbies. The fact that I have a child who is old enough to enjoy them with me reminds of some of the reasons that I became a mom in the first place.
I am a big fan of kids entertaining themselves. In fact, I think it’s incredibly important. But because of the way I’ve always plotted ways to fill our time, I haven’t been encouraging and training them to develop that skill set. Combine that with the fact that we live in a House-Hunters-worthy open floor plan which allows them to easily always know where I am, and I have set myself up for frustration.
We have an entire playroom that goes untouched for days on end. Our home is equipped with more than enough ways for a kid to find things to do. But my oldest will not. She simply refuses. She would rather sit at my feet asking what’s next on the docket than go upstairs and play by herself. I take full responsibility for my part in it, and I am doing my very best to reverse it. When there’s down time, I’ve learned to sit in it rather than jumping up to gather the paint supplies, a princess wand making kit, or the ingredients for homemade bird feeders shaped like snowmen. Certainly, there’s nothing wrong with doing these activities. (I have done all three of these things. Recently.) But if I fill every second of my kids’ days, then how will they ever learn to do just that? I definitely didn’t have someone planning my all-day-every-day, and it’s an unreasonable expectation to put on myself or—worse yet—have my daughters place on me. So let me be the one to encourage you to let your kids find things to do on their own—play dress up without you or read a book by themselves. It will make your downtime easier. Trust me.
