Fall is my favorite season and dressing up for Halloween has always been something I enjoyed, even as an adult. I shamelessly admit that one of the things I most looked forward to after our son was born was costumes and Halloween-time. Baby in a lion costume, anyone? It doesn’t get any cuter. I had visions of my family in group themed costumes each year and trick-or-treating together. If someone had looked into a crystal ball and told me that my son would be terrified of costumes and refuse to wear one, I wouldn’t have believed them. What kid doesn’t love to dress up? My son. Judge me if you want, but this has been a hard one for me to swallow.
He didn’t have an autism diagnosis until after we had experienced three Halloweens with him. Looking back, it all makes sense to me that we struggled so much to find something he would wear. My son can’t wear a piece of clothing with the tag still attached. He panics if he doesn’t have socks on. So, costumes? It just isn’t going to happen. I’m here today to show you how we are prepping my son for Halloween this year and how we still dressed up with (non)-costumes in the past.
Halloween and Autism — Pre-Diagnosis
My son wasn’t old enough to go out on Halloween the first year, so when it rolled around the next year I could hardly wait. At the time, he was 19 months old, and we didn’t yet have an autism diagnosis. He was obsessed with Toy Story, so I wanted his costume to be along those lines. Halloween week came, and he refused to let me put any costume on him, myself, or the dog. (Yes, I dress my dogs up for Halloween.) Any effort to do any of the above resulted in screaming, attempts to pull the costume off himself or others, and finished in a meltdown.
I was the panicked mom in Target the night before Halloween searching for anything that would resemble a costume. Then it came to me. PAJAMAS. There are always character pajamas available. The Halloween gods were apparently watching over me that night because, sure enough, there were Buzz Lightyear pajamas in his size. SCORE. I held my breath as I dressed him in his “costume” and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t bat an eye. So, our second Halloween was a sort of a success. We didn’t end up going out in the neighborhood because it was pouring rain, but I got my Halloween picture. I don’t know who was more upset—James or the dog.
Adding a sibling
Last year, still no diagnosis, and a younger sibling added to the family, I started racking my brain earlier. I knew that a costume wouldn’t fly, but my determination to come up with a family themed costume never wavered. My in-laws had recently come home from a Hawaiian vacation and bought the kids little Hawaiian outfits. Hmmm…could this work? James’ outfit looked like regular clothes: shorts and a top. We started talking to him about Halloween and reading books about dressing up. I bought leis for everyone and a grass skirt for myself. I laid out everyone’s costume for a full week before Halloween so he could inspect it when he wanted. Halloween rolled around, and it was a success. We joined up with our neighbors (who have four boys) and he watched as they went from house to house collecting candy. Soon enough, he was hooked. Success!
Post-Diagnosis and Prepping for Halloween
This year, I see things differently. I know that costumes upset my son. I know that his family members in costumes upset my son. Anything on his face? FORGET IT. This summer, we stumbled across a You Tube channel and show called Blippi. The actor plays an energetic, goofy, lovable, educational character named Blippi. He dances, sings, plays and has helped my son in more ways than I can tell you. Blippi has an episode about Halloween, and my son instantly became more interested in it and everything that surrounds Halloween after watching it.
Think outside the box for costumes
You don’t need to buy a $40 official costume from Target to go out on Halloween. Look for ways you can use regular clothes as a costume. For 18 (long) months my son had a stuffed cat he had to bring with him everywhere. Buy khaki pants and a green shirt and you have a perfect zoo keeper costume! Pajamas make great costumes and your child will be none the wiser! Just do a quick Amazon search, and you’ll have dozens of options to choose from: skeletons, TV characters, animals, and more. Train conductor? Try jeans and this shirt.
Do a dress rehearsal
If your child shows interest in Trick-or-Treating, go around to neighbors homes the day of, or week of who are willing to practice with your child. Letting your child become comfortable with the tradition of Halloween may ease some anxiety for them.
Keep Trying and Know When to Call it A Night
It has been a challenge for me to not put my Halloween expectations on my son. If your child wants to participate in the fun of Halloween, let them try. If it doesn’t work out, tell them it’s ok. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Isn’t that the greatest parenting lesson after all? Take what you think parenting would be like, what you think your child would be like, and what you think you would be like as a parent, roll it up in a ball—and throw it out the window. Sometimes, you have to unlearn what you thought life would be like — and enjoy the present situation.
Nicely done, very good advice